I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others. Usually how I end up feeling is not so good, so I’m not sure why I do it! I don’t like when others do it to me, so why do I do it to myself? Ultimately, I think it’s a rhetorical question. It’s just part of my personality. I know it doesn’t HAVE to be, though, and it’s something I’m working on changing! My comparing goes far beyond looks, success, parenting, etc. (things with which I notice many people using comparisons). Plus they’re not comparisons for motivation sake. I often feel defeated rather than motivated.
Lately, the target of the comparison lies right here on this site – my blog. I often feel I’m not “good enough” or “interesting enough” to have engaging content. Though I enjoy writing and often get compliments on my writing I still have a hard time with this. I read so many great blogs with great content. Parenting blogs with great parenting tips and tricks; homeschooling blogs with great projects, ideas, and free printouts; homemaking blogs with organizational tips, recipes, etc.; marriage blogs with great advice and support; military blogs with great tips and support; couponing blogs with great coupons; Eco-friendly blogs with great “green living” tips and tricks; Faith-based blogs with great Bible verses applied to real-life situations and moving content; Review and giveaway blogs with great and numerous reviews and giveaways; and so on! I want to have a little bit of some of these, and I want it to be good!
This is where the problem comes in. Who or what defines “good?” What am I allowing to define “good?” Numbers mostly. Oddly enough, as much as I’m letting the numbers bother me I’m also constantly arguing against them and saying “good” goes far beyond numbers alone. I can be complicated – even to myself! Haha Truthfully speaking, though, numbers DO matter in certain regards, which is why I think it’s easy to get “hung up” on them.
But the truth is – to whom does it matter? What am I going to allow to define what I do. Isn’t what I do an extension of me? Who defines ME? To be completely open I have always allowed others to define me. I’m not a perfect homemaker; my husband does a huge majority of the cooking in our home; I’m an intelligent person without a college degree; our kids have special needs and our life may be chaos, but I LOVE them; I’m a homeschooling mom that’s not very crafty or creative (yes, despite having a sewing/crafting business! haha); our marriage hasn’t always been perfect, but God has been merciful to honor our commitment to each other and pull us through those hard times; I’m human and despite my faith I sometimes have a hard time coming up with the right words and thoughts to convey; I am striving for eco-friendly living, but I still have a long way to go; and I am a great writer and very thorough with reviews, but sometimes my “numbers” hold me back from getting chosen for reviews and giveaways.
Do you know what? That is all OK. Because this is me, and this is exactly where I am meant to be in my life. I may not always know how much, but I do know God has used ordinary me to impact the lives of others. I know I have gone out of my way and helped some businesses gain loyal customers. I know there are other wives out there that need to hear that they may not be perfect, and that’s OK. I know there are moms out there losing sleep because their houses are complete chaos – and they need to know that somebody else understands and is making it through! There are MANY people out there looking for someone who is “real.” I’m obviously not saying all those fantastic people out there aren’t “real.” In fact, they ARE real, and they are REALLY good at what they do, and that’s what makes them great. I’m not them, though, and to compare myself and what I do to them is not only unnecessary – it can be damaging. I wasn’t meant to be anybody else, I was meant to be ME. And I am good at being me! I am good at the things I do even if it’s not “as” good as the things others do. I enjoy being a little good at a lot of things rather than really good at one particular thing. I love sharing that with others!
This is a song by Barlow Girl that has always touched me. The song itself is more referring to physical appearance, but I think the message is important and can apply to more!
I think we or most of us are always trying to improve ourselves.. I think if you can look in the mirror and see who GOD put there, not what you want to see but who GOD wants to see in you.. I , like you am always fighting harder to try to improve myself in everything that I do but often I fail myself but I sometimes over look what GOD is really trying to tell me, which is simplicity.. LOVE
well i could go on n on but then I would have to get more into my whole life LOLL maybe another time 🙂 remember GOD loves you
Thank-you!
It’s so hard not to compare! I struggle with that too. Thanks for sharing the song!
Stopping by from the Crew!
I do this, too. I’m cleaner than my mother, but my neighbor vacuums and dusts *every day*, and that’s on top of holding down a full time job. She goes nuts if there’s two dirty dishes on the counter. I make my own home cleaning and beauty supplies, but I have a friends who spin their own yarn to knit and felt with. We’re building a chicken coop for next spring, but my friend’s parents own twenty chickens already, plus goats, and thirty horses. Everything I do, someone out there does it way better than me. It’s HARD not to feel the difference. I totally feel you.
Yeah, there will always be something!
As hard as it is, we have been judged and compared to others since birth. Your mother (and any other mother) has compared you to siblings or cousins, etc. since you were an infant saying, you cried a lot, didn’t cry, walked at a certain age, didn’t walk at a certain age, etc. It is build into our make-up as a human being to be judged by others. The hard part is not to adapt to this way of thinking, which I believe you are working on, the same as me. We are all individuals. God made us that way. Each of us have special talents and skills that are reserved just for us. Some of us have to spend hours upon hours to learn something, while, to others, learning comes easy. You cannot please everyone, so don’t try. All we can do is to do our very best at what we choose to do. I love the video and although it basically is describing your appearance, as you said it can apply in other areas of our lives. The key is acceptance of who you are and who you want to be.
Yes, those are great points!
It’s like you’re me talking. I’m a single mom. I homeschool. I have special needs kids. I’m not very crafty {I stalk Pinterest for all my ideas!} and I yell a lot. I never feel that I am good enough and people always have something to say about what I’m doing.
Just hang in there. You seem to know the truth and I think you’re going to be OK.
Tiffany
Thanks! And know you ARE good enough! 🙂
I think we are kindred spirits. I had to completely quit blogging and facebooking for months to allow myself to reset, so to speak. I still catch myself comparing myself to my friends to whom I look up, but usually I compare myself to who I want to be. Instead of wallowing, I try to take action to become that person.
Definitely!
I think it’s probably very natural to compare yourself with others and most of us have done it ourself. The thing we need to remember is, that there will ALWAYS be bigger and better, than what we have. But there will ALWAYS be others who we deem, to fall short of acceptable too. We need to just be the best we can be and allow our children to grow up knowing that they are PERFECT just being who they are meant to be!
Yes, that is definitely true!
Love this post. Thank you for being open with your thoughts on this. Its nice to remember that this is something that plenty of people stuggle with.
“Mirror, Mirror” am I reading about me?
You have opened my eyes and spirit to the fact that I am not alone. It has taken me many aimless years to become me and accept “me.”
I admire you, for what you do. (blogging) For it, at one point, was my ambition. I did not have the confidence to believe I could write and be received. So, I take pride in reading those that I relate to.
Thank you for this blessing!
Keep your faith and heart all in one place….Only then when it truly resides there…spread it around…for there IS no place like home! And what a marvelous place to start! 🙂 xo
Thank-you for the encouragement! 🙂