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Why it's Important for Kids to Understand the Definition of Friend

February 20, 2016 by Emilee Evans

From the time our kids are still little we emphasize the importance of knowing all about strangers. Who they are, what you should and shouldn’t do with and around strangers, etc. But what about friends? When it comes to kids understanding friends, there is often this gray area between strangers and friends, which then leads to a gray area on what is OK and not OK when it comes to those that fall in this area. This isn’t a deep, philosophical post about our adult understanding of what is a “true friend” versus an acquaintance. This is about young children. It’s about our kids understanding where that line is drawn between the gray area and friends. Why? Because it often is unclear but it really matters!
As a mom of special needs children, I try to be extra cautious when it comes to strangers, friends, etc. especially with our oldest who is on the Autism Spectrum and has a harder time with comprehending relationships. When we had a scary incident this summer with our daughter, though, who has a pretty good grasp on this (or at least we thought), I realized we’re not always so clear on what a “friend” really is.
Kids Understanding Friends - Why it is Important for them to Understand the Definition
We were at the park with a group of friends, and most of the kids were going to play T-Ball. She asked me if she could play with her friends over there and points to where they’re playing T-Ball. She is at an age where it’s OK to go and play with friends, so I say yes, of course, assuming she’s referring to our friends over there. When we were getting ready to leave and I couldn’t find her anywhere, my heart dropped. I was terrified! She was a little farther down with a group of girls I’ve never seen before. Sure they looked like they were having fun, but I was asking why in the world she wasn’t with our friends. When she explained she was with her friends, I was shocked. She just met them! What made her think they were her friends?
Her answer? They were playing on the playground, and they were nice to her.
I fear this misunderstanding was caused by something we’ve also done since our kids were young, and something I often see other parents do as well. In fact, it’s in their books and on TV shows. The message we often send is that a friend is a child they’ve met somewhere and got along with. In fact, I’d even venture to say many shows and books even refer to other children as “friends” just to encourage being nice. Why can’t we encourage our kids to be nice to others without calling them “friends?”
I look back and think of all the times I said, “Did you say bye to your new friend?” Then I wonder why they consider someone they just met their friend? Adults they just meet are strangers but kids they just met are friends? I feel like that’s the message we’ve been sending. What about their parents or whoever they may be with? We don’t know them, and they are still strangers.
We’re so blessed everything was OK, but the thoughts that ran through my head were terrifying. As a parent, it’s hard not to beat ourselves up for mistakes, but we’d be remiss if we didn’t learn from our mistakes – and even the mistake of others. It’s always hard to put ourselves out there, but if my experience will help others realize they may be making a similar mistake, it is worth sharing it.

Kids Understanding Friends

We truly need to think about it. What message are we sending? I definitely learned the hard way we’ve been sending a message that is completely unclear. There is a gray area in between strangers and friends, and it’s important that we make that very clear to our children. Call it what you prefer – acquaintance or even “buddy” (though make it clear there is a difference between a “buddy” and a “friend.”). Then set boundaries on what is OK and not OK with them.
Some healthy boundaries may include things like: It’s OK to talk and play with them while under your supervision, and It’s OK to ask us to talk to their parents about getting to know them better by getting their contact information and planning get togethers. After all, we would ultimately love if they do make new friends!
So what defines friends? Perhaps your definition may be more or less strict as ours, but some general guidelines we’ve shared with our kids are:

  • You aren’t meeting them for the first time. Meeting someone for the first time automatically means they aren’t a friend. Friendships (and the trust that goes along with it) aren’t built in a day.
  • You know their name (and we know their parents’ names). Our kids aren’t very good at remembering names, so this may not be applicable for most, but if our kids know their names, it means we’ve interacted with them pretty frequently, but it’s important that we know their parents as well!
  • We have some way to contact them. Although I’m not a “phone person,” phone is definitely the best contact information to have. Besides, most people can text now! 😉

Whatever you decide works for your family, I can’t stress enough how important it is for kids to truly understand what a friend is and to have appropriate boundaries based on how well you know them. It may seem innocent enough for kids to call all other kids their friends, but it’s important to remember this can be confusing and ultimately unsafe. It’s important to remember – it’s not just about the kids – we really need to know their parents as well!
How do you help your children distinguish between a friend and an acquaintance?

Christianity Cove Cheat Sheets {Review}

September 10, 2013 by Emilee Evans

I received the product mentioned to facilitate my review. Regardless, all opinions are my own. This post contains affiliate links. Read my Disclosure Policy for more information.
Christian Parenting
As parents we get really busy. I feel like as a homeschooling mom and regular blogger I am constantly doing something. In fact, I’m even posting this a little later than planned because I got caught up in “life.” Even though we include Bible Study in our homeschool day, and I do my own daily devotionals I do find I don’t incorporate it throughout the day. When situations come up, and I want to reference a Bible verse, I often can’t think of the exact verse or helpful reference.
Well, Mary-Kate Warner from Christianity Cove has designed a wonderful resource for Christian Parenting – Cheat Sheets! The Parenting Cheat Sheets were put together from carefully taken notes on important virtues. Unfortunately, by the time she found references and wrote down all these notes it was too late to implement the lesson, but after others saw her binder of notes and how detailed they were she realized it would be a good resource to share with others! So now we can have this information right in front of us without looking it up!
Her tag line is:

“For when you know the Bible has an answer, but aren’t sure where to look.”

Each Cheat Sheet focuses on a specific virtue or life situation. They are broken down into 7 mini challenges (there is one with 8) to help your child in that area. Most of the mini challenges can be done in 10 minutes or less! You can do one mini challenge a day, a couple a day, or one every few days. It is noted in the introduction it’s not advised to let more than a few days lapse between the challenges as it is easy to forget. I am definitely aware of that fact in our home! I find one a day with a sporadic day off here and there works well for us.
The challenges and topics vary, so the Cheat Sheets aren’t specific to a particular age range. I found there were some topics that don’t pertain to our family or children now but may in the future. I could also see how some wouldn’t pertain to a family with pre-teens or teens but others would. Although it mostly addresses moms it could definitely used by both parents and together as a family.
I only recently began using the Cheat Sheets, so we have only covered “Gratitude” so far, which was a subject that definitely needed to be addressed! Next I plan on “Lying” then “Anger.” There are so many other great and relevant topics! Check them all out.
When you order you get instant access to the Cheat Sheets to download. Right now there is also a BONUS gift of the Christian Parenting Cheat Sheets Holiday Edition. The Holiday Edition includes 7 mini challenges that keep God and faith at the center of each holiday. I know with Halloween right around the corner this will be a great one for me because that is one I, in particular, have a hard time explaining (why we only choose certain costumes, etc.).
Right now you can get both the Christian Parenting Cheat Sheets and the Christian Parenting Cheat Sheets Holiday Edition for $27.00. They offer a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Order Here.

For More Information:

Visit the Christian Parenting Cheat Sheets information page on Christianity Cove
Connect with Christianity Cove on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and YouTube.
 
 

Happy Birthday Brayden!

May 1, 2013 by Emilee Evans

I can’t believe Brayden turned 7 yesterday! I would have posted yesterday but between his birthday treat and not feeling so great I wasn’t on here much! I figure that’s a good enough reason to post the next day instead! 🙂 So, wow, 7! Being our oldest, we have definitely learned A LOT about parenting. We have learned how to be advocates for our children – particularly when we were going through the process of getting an Autism diagnosis. I recently posted Brayden’s Autism story. My entire birth experience and first few years parenting Brayden have been very humbling from my “all natural birth plan” turning into an unexpected c-section, breastfeeding efforts proving to be unsuccessful after 2 weeks, and attachment parenting? He didn’t even like to be held! Everything I “thought” of parenting and actually parenting him were totally opposite experiences! You know what I learned? It’s OK! All children are different – as we have definitely learned as all 3 of ours have been parented differently as well! But God has always blessed us with the resources (and love) that we needed to both parent and advocate for Brayden (and the other two children as well)!

birthday

What a blessing Brayden is to our family. It has been absolutely amazing watching him grow. There have been challenges along the way followed by great triumphs – and sometimes followed by minor setbacks like his sleeping with his light on once again. Each accomplishment is a blessing, though, and I am just in awe watching him grow. He has such an amazing love for God and talks about Him all the time! There are times when I’m not feeling so great, and he reminds me how much God loves us! It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it! In fact, tomorrow he has his last Praise Dance practice from a class he took at our homeschool co-op before a performance they are going to do this weekend. We missed a lot of days of co-op unfortunately, so I was surprised he was invited to participate. When she shared how she could just see God’s love radiate through him during their class I almost started bawling my eyes out! We are truly so blessed. He prays for us when he wakes up and before bed. My heart broke a little when he was diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, and God has not only restored my joy but has blessed us in so many ways through Brayden!

Coming Soon: The Christian Parenting Handbook

April 22, 2013 by Emilee Evans

Christian Parenting Book
Lately, I have felt there was a lot “missing” in my parenting, so when I heard about The Christian Parenting Handbook I was definitely intrigued. After reading the description it was like an instant “ah ha moment!” This is IT. THIS is what I’ve been looking for! The National Center for Biblical Parenting is launching The Christian Parenting Handbook: 50 Heart-Based Strategies for All the Stages of Your Child’s Life by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN next week! Actually, you can purchase the book now, but there is something special included if you wait until the official launch next week between April 29 – May 5th. When I say SPECIAL – I mean it! If you purchase The Christian Parenting Handbook during launch week you will get a package of free resources valued at more than $400.00! AMAZING, right? Check out this great prize pack:

  • The Christian Parenting Handbook: electronic versions for iPad, Kindle, Nook or any mobile device ($29.97)
  • Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, in You and Your Kids Lesson #1: Complete Package including Lesson 1 on Video, MP3, Study Guide, and Children’s Lesson. ($59.95)
  • Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, in You and Your Kids Lesson #2: Complete Package including Lesson 2 on Video, MP3, Study Guide, and Children’s Lesson. ($59.95)
  • Teach Kids to Listen and Follow Instructions: on Video, Workbook, MP3, Study Guide, and Children’s Lesson. ($59.95)
  • Correction Ideas that Touch the Heart: on Video, Workbook, MP3, Study Guide, and Children’s Lesson. ($59.95)
  • Addressing Bad Attitudes in Kids: on Video, Workbook, MP3, Study Guide, and Children’s Lesson. ($59.95)
  • Everyday Parents CAN Raise Extraordinary Kids Session #1: on Video, MP3, Study Guide, and Children’s Lesson. ($59.95)
  • How to Use The Christian Parenting Handbook: 30-minute Video ($24.95)

Christian Parenting Handbook
I would say that’s worth waiting for! Wouldn’t you agree? Find out more about The Christian Parenting Handbook Grand Launch!
When I got invited to be part of the Launch Team I felt so incredibly blessed! I am almost finished reading the book, and I will be sharing my full review next week on official launch week, so stay tuned! Tomorrow I will be posting a BIG giveaway that you won’t want to miss! Here are some other great events related to The Christian Parenting Handbook launch that you won’t want to miss:

  • Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller will be hosting a Google Hangout on Tuesday evening April 30 starting at 7:30 pm EDT. This will be an on-air hangout where anyone can listen in. You can watch the video by going to the Biblical Parenting Facebook Group. You can also comment there and ask Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller questions!
  • There will be a Twitter Party on Wednesday evening, May 1, from 8:00 – 9:00 pm EDT. The hashtag is #heartparenting. They will be giving away lots of prizes. Plan on joining and spread the word!

So be sure to mark your calendars! So how great is this? An amazing book and a chance to win some amazing prizes! Did I also mention there will be another BIG giveaway (in addition to the one I’ll be posting tomorrow) during launch week as well? You’ll have a chance to win an iPad mini, Amazon Gift Cards, a Wii with Sports game included, and a Kodak EasyShare Digital Frame with Music! So a lot of great things going on this week! Did you catch it all? If not, don’t worry, mark your calendars for the events mentioned above. The rest, I’ll be making the posts I mentioned and posting updates as we go!
launch team

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