Pea of Sweetness

The Love Dare Update – Days 5-10

by

There is so much more I want to post than just a general update, but our youngest’s Sensory Processing Disorder has been in overdrive, so a general update will have to do for now, but I cannot wait to share what has been on my heart very soon! I’m still working on that Video Blog, too! I know, at this point you’re thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it!” LOL That would be a totally fair thought! So, all I can say is yes, you’ll believe me when you see it! 🙂

Day 5

Love is not rude. This was a little hard for me. It wasn’t hard for me because I have a hard time not being rude, it was hard for me because I had to ask my husband to tell me three things that cause him to become uncomfortable or irritated with me. I’m not very good at asking for constructive criticism. If you remember in my first post about The Love Dare I have Borderline Personality Disorder, so I am very sensitive to criticism (this is something I’m prayerfully working on), so to ask for it was definitely out of my comfort zone! I had to take a few deep breaths and remind myself that no matter the answers my husband is sharing out of love and it’s a chance to improve so as to not become defensive (which is my automatic response). It’s amazing what God can do when you ask for His guidance. I was not only able to listen openly but I also didn’t feel hurt or defensive. This is not only a success as far as The Love Dare goes, but a major success for someone with Borderline Personality Disorder! God is good! 🙂 I was very happy my husband shared because what he shared wasn’t things that were “obvious” to me, but I can definitely see how it could come off as rude and even disrespectful to him, so I am now conscious of these things! Day 5 was a blessing for our whole family!

Day 6

Love is not irritable. Love may not be irritable, but I am! LOL No, that’s what this is all about! To love we need to BE love, and love is not irritable. It’s hard not to be irritable when you have kids fighting and nagging all day, outside stress, and everything else that adds up! A lot of this also stems from priorities! I encourage you to read a couple of my posts about priorities such as Chasing the Wind and On the 7th Day where I discussed priorities and taking a day of rest to devote to God and family. Day 6 mirrored my sentiments exactly! It discussed how the Bible helps us avoid unhealthy stress and let love guide our relationships. What I had written in those posts is what has personally helped ME prioritize this because I did realize prior to this challenge that having certain priorities and not having the day of rest really was causing me to be irritable towards my family. My family (particularly my husband) should be my priority – not the brunt of my irritation! There’s so much more I want to touch on that was on my heart while reading and praying over Day 6 that will surely come in my more detailed posts!

Day 7

Love believes the best. It’s easy to point out all the negatives about our spouse, isn’t it? What about the positives? Have you thought about them today? Actually take the time to think about and thank your spouse for the positives today. It’s easy to do, but it’s also easy NOT to do. Take the time to do this today! It really is a refreshing experience! One thing that really struck a chord with me – the only reason you should even think about the negatives is to know how to pray for your spouse. That’s it. Not to hold it against them. Not to dwell on them. To PRAY for them. Have you prayed for your spouse today? Have you thanked them for something today? I encourage you to do both!

Day 8

Love is not jealous. Jealousy is a tough topic, and definitely not one I can completely cover in this short update. What happens when you allow jealousy to permeate your marriage? It can be VERY harmful. We do it often without even thinking about it, though! He’s spending time with his buddy, and I’m stuck at home with the kids AGAIN! She gets to go shopping, and I have to change diapers. I think these sentiments are definitely more easily recognized in parenthood (and let’s face it – raising kids can be tough and CAN take its toll), but these situations don’t *just* happen in couples with children, though the kids and diapers part may not apply! 😉 Instead of letting jealousy take over – decide to become your spouse’s biggest fan! Let your spouse complete you – not compete with you!

Day 9

Love makes good impressions. Greetings are so important that they’re stressed in the Bible! When we greet others outside the home we often do so with a smile and hello, but how are we greeting our spouse? A look up from the computer with a simple “hi” (*blush* Guilty!), no greeting at all? How about an enthusiastic greeting at the door so they know we appreciate them and are glad to see them? I’ve decided to change my greeting to let my husband know I appreciate him and am happy he is home. Can I challenge you to do the same?

Day 10

Love is unconditional. This day’s lesson is powerful. I encourage you if you haven’t already to invest in The Love Dare – whether your marriage is a little rocky or on solid ground – everyone can benefit from this book. Day 10 touches on the different “types” of love. The least practiced is unconditional love. Friendship love (phileo) and sexual love (eros) are both important and necessary to marriage, but you MUST also have unconditional love (agape). Agape love truly is the “in sickness and in health” love, “for richer or poorer” love, “for better or worse” love. It’s the only kind of love that is true love. Again, this lesson was one that really touched my heart, and I will also be sharing more! A good summary is “love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.” CHOOSE to love your spouse unconditionally.
I have been taking many notes, and all those I mentioned that have been on my heart will be shared through additional posts, and I will continue to post the small synopsis updates as well! I appreciate your taking time to join me on this journey and please if you have anything to share feel free to do so in a comment (if you have never commented on my blog there is a password to avoid spammers. You do NOT have to type this password in the box below – simply copy and paste it!) or you may always contact me privately or join our Love Dare support group! Have a blessed week!
 

The Love Dare Challenge

by

I’m sure you’ve noticed I haven’t posted about The Love Dare challenge in a while. The truth is I have fallen behind – not just in my posts, but in my reading as well! 😡 I’m sure many would say with all I have going on right now it’s understandable, but I’m still pretty disappointed that I let it happen! I am determined to pick up where I left off, AND I’m determined to finally post some Video blogs in conjunction with them as well! I really have had a lot on my heart since starting The Love Dare again that I really want to share, so I’m going to work on better managing my time despite everything that’s going on right now as well as just making a definite decision on the best place and time to record a video blog – be in shut in my room while the kids are up or at my computer after the kids go to bed – which can be tricky considering our youngest didn’t fall asleep until well after midnight last night! He has a sleep study coming soon! If you were enjoying the Love Dare posts – which many have commented that they were – THANK-YOU! Please know more are coming, and they will be coming more regularly! 🙂 Have a blessed Sunday!
 

The Love Dare – Days 1 and 2

by

As you may know I started The Love Dare on the 15th. I set it up in a way to encourage others to join me in this challenge. We started a small group on Facebook to help encourage each other and pray for each other. If you are still interested in joining you may at any time even if you start later or are on a different day! I also wanted to share my journey on here as well. I’m going to open up and truly share my heart. I’m not going to go into full details about each day’s “Dare” because it’s something you truly need to read for yourself in its entirety as well as the devotional that goes along with it and seriously consider the questions asked at the end of each day and write down your answers! It was neat for me because this isn’t the first time I’m reading The Love Dare. The first time I read it I was approaching it from a different aspect – desperation. Our marriage was stressed and I NEEDED to do something to change that! Praise God He was faithful to strengthen our marriage and set us back on the right path while seeking Him. It’s very interesting reading what I had written at the end of each day knowing it was a very different season in our life and our marriage. I’m not saying the challenges are extremely easy this time around – just different. I’m glad I took the time to write down what I was feeling then because I can look back on it and praise God for where we are now – and remind myself of that time so as to not repeat it! So I encourage you to write down whatever God puts on your heart during the 40 days! Maybe even keep a separate journal to write down revelations you have that may not necessarily be linked to that day’s challenge but relates to it. The Love Dare isn’t only for those who are struggling in their marriage – it’s great for anyone who wants to look at their marriage from God’s perspective! I think we ALL need to do that from time to time! Kids, pets, household chores, jobs, businesses, etc. – “life” – gets in the way sometimes, and we don’t always take the time to think about our marriage. Sometimes we even become complacent, which is why it’s necessary to revisit the topic of marriage and focus on our spouse more often!

In order to truly share my heart there are a few things I need to share about myself. Although I share fairly openly on this site about our children’s special needs, parenting challenges, etc. I try to keep certain things more to my private blog or for friends and family. This site is definitely NOT my share all, vent all, etc. blog, but I do still share from my heart! One thing I’m going to be open about, though, I believe is necessary in understanding why some of the topics covered in “The Love Dare” are challenging for me. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. More about BPD HERE. I’m not going to go into extreme details on my Disorder, but I will definitely say it affects me differently today than it did 10 years ago. (If you’ve only met me within the last 10 years you may even find it hard to believe I struggle with this.) It is something I struggle with as a Christian because I often feel negatively about myself when I know I shouldn’t because I’m a child of God! I only recently got this diagnosis, which was actually a breath of fresh air because I could finally understand what I had been experiencing since I was a teenager! I will continue to pray for God’s guidance and healing as I work through it. The main “challenge” I have in regards to doing The Love Dare for the next 40 days is my defense mechanism – I get defensive and offended easily. I also take things out of context. A good example is “Do you have plans for dinner?” To me that means “Aren’t you going to make dinner?!” I know it seems silly – it even does to me when I look at it “from the outside!” You can see, though, how that might make things a little challenging – not just during “The Love Dare,” but just in general! I am so amazingly blessed with such an awesome husband who actually tries very hard to understand my “different” thought process and emotions! OK, now that I have opened up so you can understand why the challenges may be a little different I will continue to my summaries! I plan to video blog some during this challenge, though I’m trying to find the best time, place, media device, etc. to do so! I can do so from my phone, iPad, or iMac, but picking a location where there will not be kids in the background and such is the challenge! I’ll keep brainstorming on this one! 🙂

Day 1

Day 1 was more challenging than I expected. (Opening up again) Over the past couple of weeks we found out my dad has cancer, that it’s serious, and he will need many surgeries and radiation. The experience with my husband having cancer does not make it easier in anyway as the cancers are different types, different treatments, and well, it’s never “easy” to find out a loved one has cancer. I don’t think you ever get immune to that heart dropping feeling when you hear that diagnosis. I came into Day 1 already “emotionally distracted.” I hadn’t been sleeping well and stayed up late preparing for a little business Vendor Blender (like a small scale expo) the next day (on Day 1). Well, I woke up with a sore throat and feeling run down and just downright exhausted. I wasn’t even able to go to the Vendor Blender, so I was also feeling stressed because of that. Regardless, I knew I was going to give it my best effort. In short (because again, I encourage you to read the whole thing and the devotional yourself) I was not to say anything negative to my husband that day. So I’m feeling tired, sick, stressed, emotionally and physically taxed, and I’m supposed to not say anything negative? Oh boy, I thought for sure if there was a day I’d REALLY mess up it would be this one! I prayed for the strength to “hold my tongue.” There were a couple of the moments I described above where I took what was said as a totally different meaning, and I almost replied with a defensive remark (OK, more than a couple). Wouldn’t you know, though, I truly CAN hold my tongue when I’m am more aware of the need to! It made me look at every other day and wonder why DO I make snarky remarks when clearly I can choose to say nothing? Even if it’s something I take the wrong way, I can gather my thoughts and explain how it sounded to me and ask him to clarify what he REALLY means. Not that surprisingly, he rarely (if ever) meant his comments in the way I “heard” them! It’s amazing how much less you argue over silly things when you aren’t quick to say something defensive! Overall, my stress level came down, too, because there weren’t unnecessary little arguments during the day!

Day 2

Day 2 I was to continue not to say anything negative as well as do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. This was one of the days I looked back on what I had written a little over a year ago and could read my heartbreak in my words. It was SO HARD for me to express an act of kindness when I was feeling so unappreciated and unloved. If you are in that place I encourage you to get on your knees and pray! I know what it feels like. I know it hurts and it’s hard to push forward, but do it anyway! God will reward you greatly! So, hear I am in a much different place feeling loved and appreciated and find it much easier to express an act of kindness. Do you know the revelation that gave me?! Why don’t I do it more often?! Why did it take my reading The Love Dare again to offer that? From such a desperate place when it was so hard I HAD to do it – I HAD to push forward, and what happened when things got better? I stopped. This made me realize this isn’t just a “when you feel good” or “when things are bad” gesture. This is necessary all the time. If you’re having struggles with your marriage I know it is hard, but you will be rewarded. Love is kind. If you’re not having struggles, you still need to do this! Don’t take advantage of your spouse. Here we are it’s now Father’s Day, and my husband is such an amazing father to our kids, so why don’t I show them EVERY DAY that I love and appreciate their father and show them that love is kind? It definitely got me thinking, and I pray that I never fall into that complacency again but rather continue to offer at least one kind, unexpected (or unrequested) gesture each day!

Happy Father’s Day to my wonderful husband! And happy Father’s Day to all the other awesome dads out there! Have a blessed day!

The Love Dare – new start date

by

Well, I got a little ahead of myself when I proposed 2 challenges for the month of June. I tend to like to start things on nice, simple days like the 1st. We have, indeed, begun our health challenge for June! Proposing we start The Love Dare challenge on June 1st as well was a bit ambitious particularly given the fact that I announced it the day before! Since I already own the book I could, indeed, start at any time, but if I want to build a small group for this challenge I may need to give others more time! So I will! 🙂 I have created a small group on FB that will be a “Secret Group,” which means invite only and nobody will be able to read our content or see our group members. This also means you must send me a friend request on my Personal Profile in order for me to invite you the the group! The purpose of the group is so we can share our accomplishments, challenges, etc. and pray for each other throughout the challenge. Whether you’re looking to enhance your marriage, improve your marriage, or just challenge yourself please join us! Simply send me a message with your friend request letting me know you’ll be joining us for the challenge and would like to be added to the group! We will begin officially on June 15th! I would love to have you in the group so I can share with you and pray with/for you!

If you don’t currently own the book you can purchase The Love Dare on Amazon for your Kindle (or the Kindle app on your smart phone or tablet) or the paperback book. Although I will be highlighting it here on my blog as well as the group it’s not a substitution for the book, and if you’re like me, you’ll want to take notes or write (or type if you’re on a media device) your feelings etc. as well! I really think this is going to be a wonderful challenge – I know I surely need something like this right now! I pray you will consider joining us and that we can all be a blessing to each other! If you have any questions please feel free to ask! I look forward to sharing my personal journey during this challenge!
Linking up with a wonderful blog! The most recent post is a perfect complement to this challenge as well as well as my post Unexpected Opportunity in regards to intimacy – and its importance in marriage! I feel blessed to have found this new connection as well! 🙂