My husband often gets poked fun at or questioned about his choices because he’s a man of God. He’s experienced everything from people trying to talk him into going to “gentlemen’s clubs” to people trying to get him to look at their pictures of pornography/nude women. I’m also somewhat shocked (and extremely sad and disappointed) that this is the “normal” of our society now. Not only that people are doing these things but also shoving them in others’ faces like it is a big joke when what it really is, is a serious problem. Sadly, many of these men are Christians as well, and the fact that they aren’t feeling convicted for their behavior and worse, for trying to bring their friends into their sin, is very troubling to me!
Something was said the other day to my husband that made me laugh out loud – literally. I’m not talking about typing LOL when you’re not actually laughing at all. I’m talking about if I had been drinking something I would have spit it everywhere! Some guys were talking about a pretty music star which my husband overheard. He (being the bold man that he is) told them they’re disgusting. (I’m not condoning the words he may use, but he says that’s why I’m the writer because I’m better with words! Haha) They asked him if he seriously wouldn’t “want to see her naked.” Of course, his response was “of course not” to which they agreed “he must not even be a man.” When he said that I really did bust up laughing! Overall, it’s not funny that it’s how these men think because I do think it’s a reflection of our culture now, but I laughed because not only do I wholeheartedly disagree but I would actually say quite the opposite. My husband was the ONLY one among them that was a man!
I know what you’re thinking – he’s your husband, so of course you feel that way. Or you may even agree with our backwards culture that if a man isn’t interested in seeing naked women other than his wife or pornography he isn’t a “man.” I’d love for you to get into this more deeply and look at what a “man” is by God’s definition. You will see it is quite the opposite!
Of course, men ARE visual and more physically driven, and that IS how God created them to be – WITH THEIR WIFE. In a marriage we were designed to complement each other. Men feel loved when their physical needs are met, and women feel loved if their emotional needs are met. If a man is spending his visually driven drive on things other than his wife he is not meeting her needs. He can’t. Not only will it be harder for him to be intimate with her (because now he’s addicted to visual stimulation and actually begins to NEED it) but he also won’t have his needs met as well if his wife starts to feel unloved and undesired. It can become a vicious circle.
Photo Credit (and great post): http://ascofuatwork.wordpress.com/2012/01/17/ten-commandments-for-men/
The strength in commitment. Sure, in today’s culture it’s hard to avoid because as I mentioned you even have others trying to shove it in your face, but it’s possible, and it takes a MAN to overcome that weakness. See, addiction is a weakness. (And if you know someone that needs help, there is help out there!) Isn’t strength often something we relate to masculinity? If men were made to be strong than how can such a weakness be viewed as defining a man? Yes, quite the opposite is true. A “real man” is strong and keeps his commitment to his wife and, in turn, provides a Godly example to his sons to become strong men of commitment as well.
Leadership. I think this is a big one. God designed men to be the Spiritual leaders of their home. If they are focusing on worldly standards rather than God’s standards they are failing their family, and they are passing those standards to their children. To lead you must also protect. Lust is a form of adultery, and if a man is just giving in to the world’s definition of a man he is just inviting sin right in the door! A “real man” is the leader of his home and will fight to protect his family.
Pursuing. God designed men to pursue. They should constantly be pursuing a relationship with Him. Letting worldly ideas in is shutting Him out. Men were also designed to pursue their wife. Just her. They are meant to be our knight in shining armor. I don’t know about the other ladies out there, but I surely need rescuing over and over again! If a man is pursuing more than one beauty his efforts will be lost and he will be unfulfilled because he can never be successful. The same is true of pursuing worldly ideas and a relationship with God at the same time as well.
A book I love and recommend is Wild at Heart Revised & Updated: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
I think it’s really important to know the difference between what the world says a man is and what God says a man is. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, Godly husband, and yes, I recognize how blessed I am and am extremely grateful! Maybe you don’t have that, but God can heal the broken! If you need prayer I am always available for prayer and support.
A message for men:
Christian men – STAND UP! God is calling you to lead! Stop doing as the world says and do what He says! Men ARE getting “soft!” Look how they outnumbered my husband in that scenario. Maybe not all of them truly felt that way, but they didn’t stand up and argue it either! Lead the way you were created to lead! Defend your commitment to your wife and defend and protect your family! Somebody has to and God has called YOU!