When I hear the song Worn by Tenth Avenue North it invokes so many emotions. I feel like that sometimes – my heart is frail and torn. I’m worn. I feel so worn right now. Sometimes I feel like I’m struggling to keep it all together.
I stay up late (sometimes all night) just to get work done and hope I can get through our homeschool day without crashing. Yes, I’m worn.

In addition to my SPD and Fibromyalgia I have depression and anxiety. Depression is a tricky thing because even when life is fully “put together,” you can still feel depressed for no reason at all. It doesn’t even make sense to you! It’s easy to feel frail and torn often.
Whether in hard times or battling depression, I become desperate to seek answers from God. I’m desperate to seek the rest that only He can give. I get into His Word and everything I read says it’s going to be OK yet sometimes I have a hard time just giving it to Him.

One day while the song played it hit me like a ton of bricks – I am an example of redemption. All this time I was looking for inspiration and waiting to move. Yet all this time I should have been looking in the mirror. I have been through some hard times, but I’m here. I have a beautiful family, and I experience God’s grace daily.
Sure things are hard right now, but I’ve been in some major valleys, and I’ve been through a lot of pain in my life. I even shut God out as I lived a lifestyle of rebellion because I was so confused.
Ultimately, I was broken and needed redemption. I needed redemption in a way only God can give. I hit a point where I said “Show me!” Show me I have something to live for and my life has meaning. Show me you can fix me!
And He did. I teetered in and out of the life of the person I was and the person I wanted to become – the person who seeks God and understands He is enough.

Then I met my husband who was seeking the same thing. We helped each other grow in our faith. It hasn’t always been easy. When you have depression, it never is. Plus we’ve been through hard times together. I found out I have my medical disorders and all three of our children have special needs. Of course, one of the hardest parts of our journey has been my husband’s cancer. It definitely hasn’t been easy, but God has been with us through it all.
I can look in the mirror now, though, when I need proof that redemption wins. I can look in the mirror knowing God has redeemed me and will again as many times as I need it. How awesome is His grace?!
I think many times we’re too busy desperately seeking miracles that we’re missing the blessings all around us. It doesn’t mean things will be easy, but it’s so much harder when you don’t acknowledge the every day blessings.

It also doesn’t mean I will never feel sad or depressed or anxious, but it means there will always be a light burning. There will always be hope. I can see redemption win every day.
*I am currently writing a book about my story from growing up in a home with alcoholism and abuse all the way through (with both ups and downs) to God’s amazing redemption. If you would like to help support my book please email me at {emilee.roberts@peaofsweetness.com}*