When I hear the song Worn by Tenth Avenue North it invokes so many emotions. I feel like that sometimes – my heart is frail and torn. I’m worn. I feel so worn right now. Sometimes I feel like I’m struggling to keep it all together.
I stay up late (sometimes all night) just to get work done and hope I can get through our homeschool day without crashing. Yes, I’m worn.
In addition to my SPD and Fibromyalgia I have depression and anxiety. Depression is a tricky thing because even when life is fully “put together,” you can still feel depressed for no reason at all. It doesn’t even make sense to you! It’s easy to feel frail and torn often.
Whether in hard times or battling depression, I become desperate to seek answers from God. I’m desperate to seek the rest that only He can give. I get into His Word and everything I read says it’s going to be OK yet sometimes I have a hard time just giving it to Him.
One day while the song played it hit me like a ton of bricks – I am an example of redemption. All this time I was looking for inspiration and waiting to move. Yet all this time I should have been looking in the mirror. I have been through some hard times, but I’m here. I have a beautiful family, and I experience God’s grace daily.
Sure things are hard right now, but I’ve been in some major valleys, and I’ve been through a lot of pain in my life. I even shut God out as I lived a lifestyle of rebellion because I was so confused.
Ultimately, I was broken and needed redemption. I needed redemption in a way only God can give. I hit a point where I said “Show me!” Show me I have something to live for and my life has meaning. Show me you can fix me!
And He did. I teetered in and out of the life of the person I was and the person I wanted to become – the person who seeks God and understands He is enough.
Then I met my husband who was seeking the same thing. We helped each other grow in our faith. It hasn’t always been easy. When you have depression, it never is. Plus we’ve been through hard times together. I found out I have my medical disorders and all three of our children have special needs. Of course, one of the hardest parts of our journey has been my husband’s cancer. It definitely hasn’t been easy, but God has been with us through it all.
I can look in the mirror now, though, when I need proof that redemption wins. I can look in the mirror knowing God has redeemed me and will again as many times as I need it. How awesome is His grace?!
I think many times we’re too busy desperately seeking miracles that we’re missing the blessings all around us. It doesn’t mean things will be easy, but it’s so much harder when you don’t acknowledge the every day blessings.
It also doesn’t mean I will never feel sad or depressed or anxious, but it means there will always be a light burning. There will always be hope. I can see redemption win every day.
*I am currently writing a book about my story from growing up in a home with alcoholism and abuse all the way through (with both ups and downs) to God’s amazing redemption. If you would like to help support my book please email me at {emilee.roberts@peaofsweetness.com}*
emilee, I will be praying for you, sometimes you just need others to lift you up during those difficult times, the valleys. I’m really glad to hear that you are writing a book. God uses all things, even the yucky things and difficult seasons to bring about good. We may not even see the good that has come from one thing or another, but sometimes others get to see that good thing, sometimes others need to hear your story to know that they will make it through the difficult times, then you get to see your good thing manifest in another person’s life. I have been through many difficult times, MAJOR loss/grief, health, relationship, financial, etc., still going through some of them, but not as overwhelming as before–the Lord always gives me scriptures of encouragement or love or He might speak to me in the smallest of small things, reminding me regularly of His presence and that He has not left my side during those times. A few of my favorite words were “this too shall pass” ~ and that is to you too–this too will pass! ~melisa
Yes, it definitely will. Thank-you for the prayers. I will be praying for you as well.
these are all beautiful and its true, so many times we are asking or seeking but he has already given we just need to open our eyes open our hearts and be still and listen….. I thank Jesus every day for waking me up and giving me life.. giving me everything around me , even you…. Ok I am just going to keep talking and talking because thats just me loll have a blessed day
I’m so sorry I missed your comment! Yes, you are so very right! Thank-you so much! I thank Him for you as well and appreciate your comments!
The first time I heard this song “Worn” it brought tears to my eyes. I felt like it was written for me. I have MS and some days are exhausting, but I have a wonderful husband that helps me immensely. There are days that are hard, but I just pray my way through them. You are a strong woman that helps other people everyday with your blogs. Keep your chin up!
I know what you mean. I still tear up when I hear it, but now it’s because I had that realization that I just need to look in the mirror to see redemption win. He’s done so much in my life that even in the hard times I know I am blessed.
I think we go through the bad to appreciate the good. I think we should feel blessed that we are not afflicted such as Job was in the Bible. This last year I had a second widow-maker, then had to have surgery to have my gull bladder out because it was about to explode, got cellulitis, diabetes, and I am disabled. However, God got me through all that and during that time I couldn’t stop crying. So I understand some what. I do know he says by his stripes we were healed. Perhaps too we just aren’t able to receive this healing because most of us were taught that it is better to give. Just a thought, I think balance is good in all things including this.
I agree, and I think sometimes we go through the bad so we can bless others by sharing what He has done for us and show them that yes, this is redemption winning – every day! Even in hard times we can acknowledge the blessings all around us.
Prayer is to achieve something It does not go in vain.I also regularly pray for relief any devil
Definitely. He always hears our prayers.
Redemption is happening! His missional work is to redeem!
Absolutely! He is so good!
What a wonderful post, this is a beautiful testimony. I’m sorry you struggle with depression and anxiety – I do as well, and I know how hard it can be to feel connected to God at times. That song is is beautiful! I’m glad it inspires you. Wishing you well. 🙂
Thank-you! I hope you find encouragement through it as well!
Emilee, these are beautiful! Thanks for sharing!